by Caleigh Alevy, LMSW
It’s 8:30 on a Tuesday morning.
You’re answering emails before work when your phone rings. It’s your mom. She can’t remember where she wrote down her doctor’s appointment time. Ten minutes later your son texts asking for help filling out a financial aid form. And somewhere in between you’re trying to figure out what to make for dinner and whether you remembered to refill your mom’s prescription.
For a lot of adults in midlife, this kind of juggling act has become pretty familiar. People sometimes call it the “sandwich generation.” Adults who are caring for their children while also beginning to support aging parents.
Research from the Pew Research Center suggests that about one in four adults in their 40s and 50s are supporting both a parent and a child financially at the same time. That doesn’t even include the time many people spend helping with rides to appointments, sorting through paperwork, or checking in regularly to make sure everything is okay.
It’s not surprising that many caregivers say they often feel stretched pretty thin. Most people want to help the people they love. But trying to keep everything running smoothly for everyone can be exhausting.
One CJFS client — we’ll call her Linda — found herself in this situation not long ago. Linda works full time and has two kids in their twenties. After her father passed away last year, her 84-year-old mother began having more trouble with memory and keeping track of things around the house.
At first the help Linda provided seemed pretty manageable. She’d stop by once or twice a week to pick up groceries, look through the mail, and drive her mom to a doctor’s appointment. But over time the phone calls started happening more often.
Her mom would call because she couldn’t remember where she had put something, or because she wasn’t sure if she had taken her medication that morning. Linda found herself stopping by the house after work to check the pillbox or make sure a bill had been paid.
Meanwhile one of her kids was applying to graduate school and the other had recently moved back home while looking for a job. “I felt like I was bouncing between two worlds,” Linda said. “One minute I’m helping my daughter with applications, the next minute I’m trying to sort out my mom’s pharmacy calls.”
A friend eventually suggested she reach out to CJFS. Through CJFS, Linda connected with a social worker who helped her understand what might be happening with her mother’s memory changes and what kinds of support were available.
Through the Senior Solutions program, she was able to talk through options for helping her mom remain safely at home. She also learned about escorted transportation services that could help get her mom to appointments without Linda having to rearrange her workday. Mostly, she said, it helped just to talk with someone who understood what she was dealing with. “It made me realize I didn’t have to figure everything out on my own.”
People in the sandwich generation often try to manage everything themselves at first. That’s understandable — caregiving is personal, and many families feel a strong responsibility to handle things on their own. But support can make a real difference.
At CJFS, services like Senior Solutions, counseling, caregiver support, and transportation programs are designed to help older adults remain independent while also supporting the family members who care for them. For many caregivers, even a short conversation with someone who understands the challenges of aging and caregiving can help bring some clarity to what feels like a complicated situation. And sometimes that’s exactly what families need — a place to turn when caring for multiple generations begins to feel like a lot to carry alone. Join us on Wednesday, March 18th for a panel and discussion exploring the challenges of the Sandwich Generation . CLICK HERE for more information.
Call CJFS at 205.879.3438 or email, jfs@cjfsbham.org to see how we can help you and your family manage the challenges of life.
