by Mark Driskill, LICSW-S
“What people say and what people do is all about them and not about you.” For many years I’ve used this statement as a kind of mnemonic to help me remember that a person’s words and behaviors inform me about them and really have nothing to do with me. Someone may have an opinion about me, agree or disagree, or act in ways that show their feelings toward me, but ultimately their opinions, statements and actions are about them—not about me.
I don’t remember whether I read the saying somewhere or came up with it on my own (I’d love to take the credit!), but it helps me to value myself, my thoughts, my decisions and my own opinions and stop placing an overabundance of value in the opinions of others. Reaching this goal was a process, it didn’t happen overnight, and I guess you would say I was a latecomer to valuing myself and my own sense of selfhood. However, once I embraced this philosophy, I repeated it to myself as a mantra multiple times a day for years. Over time, it became ingrained into my mind and my self-esteem improved.
As a counselor, I often notice my clients struggle with self-esteem and confidence. They share how they overvalue the negative opinions of family members and friends. They often overlook their positive qualities in favor of the negative beliefs of others. I’ve found that when I provide a safe space to talk about how others’ opinions have impacted them, they are able to see things in a new light. With this support, they can start trusting their own voice and build a stronger sense of self-worth.
At the end of the day, what people say and do is about them—not you. When you focus on your own worth and stop letting others define you, it’s a total game-changer. You can trust your own strengths, make decisions confidently, and feel good about who you are. Remember, your value comes from within, not from what anyone else thinks.
Professional counseling from CJFS is confidential, and is often covered by insurance. To learn more, visit cjfsbham.org/our-mission/professional-counseling or email us at jfs@cjfsbham.org or call 205.879.3438.
