by LaBrena Friend, LMSW
Recently, I accompanied my 98-year-old client “Tom” to a medical appointment. The visit went well, but I noticed on the way home he was unusually quiet. Once we arrived, I gently asked if something was bothering him. Initially, he said nothing was wrong.
Having worked with Tom for seven years, knowing him very well, I sensed he was upset. I asked if he was missing his daughter, and he lowered his head– letting me know I was on to something. His daughter had not been visiting on her usual schedule, and he was feeling her absence deeply.
I provided a safe space for Tom to share his feelings. He missed his daughter but didn’t want to burden her with his emotions. This push and pull of these feelings is common in older adults. Aging is isolating and lonely, especially when you live so long that most of the people you are close to are gone. And still, many older adults are fiercely independent and don’t want to interfere with their kids’ lives. I validated these conflicting feelings and encouraged him to talk to his daughter about them without guilt or expectations. After our conversation, he seemed relieved.
Two weeks later, Tom’s daughter surprised him with an unannounced visit. Tom called me crying tears of joy and excitement. Clearly his daughter understood his loneliness too.
Older adults can experience loneliness, not only from the loss of loved ones, but also from disruptions in routine or life changes. There are many ways we can help combat loneliness:
1. Listen and Offer Support: Take the time to actively listen, validate feelings, and engage in meaningful conversations.
2. Address Transportation Barriers: Ensure they have transportation. Often getting there is all that stands in the way of a good time.
3. Promote Engagement and Purpose: -encourage participation in hobbies, volunteering, religious services and/or community center activities to foster a sense of purpose and belonging.
4. Encourage Social Connections: Facilitate regular interactions with family and friends to provide meaningful social, meaningful connection with others.
5. Counseling: If loneliness and isolation are significantly impacting mental health, encourage them to seek help from a professional. Signs that more help may be needed include not eating or sleeping well, not wanting to get out of bed or care for their personal hygiene. Organizations like CJFS offer confidential counseling services tailored for older adults.
By reaching out and taking these steps, we can help our loved ones navigate feelings of loneliness and enhance their quality of life.
CJFS supports older adults and their families as they navigate the journey of aging. Customized services include home safety assessments, care management, counseling, transportation and escorted medical visits. To learn more, call 205.879.3438. CJFS serves people of all faiths and financial means.
